How does one become a grief coach and death doula? For me, it took getting advanced certifications in Coaching, Yoga, Grief Recovery®, The Daring Way™, and becoming a Death Doula. But it really all began with a cancer diagnosis when I was 6 years old. I was thrown into a new way of life that quite frankly, sucked. I had surgery, chemo, radiation … the whole nine yards. Yet, I firmly believe my early brush with mortality awakened me to a deep sense of how precious life is. It could easily scare me long term, facing death, knowing I’m at a higher risk for other cancers. Instead, it became the first dance between the light & dark that I continue to this day.
That cancer diagnosis and this fascination I’ve always had with the cycles of life, death, and rebirth. Dark and light. Sadness and joy. Beginnings and endings. There is such beauty in all of it, although we’re taught to only chase the light and fear the dark – but I’ve learned it’s in bravely exploring the shadows, especially when you’re forced to by grief, where the real valuable gold mining is done.
I’ve been told that working with me is like having that wise and empathetic older sister. The one who holds you at your most vulnerable and guides you gently through to the other side. I’ve held the virtual hands of those who have suffered deep heartbreak, from the parents who didn’t bring their babies home from the hospital to those who just can’t seem to get over the death of their mother. From those who are still reeling from a divorce years prior to the death of a loved one during the pandemic. No hurt is too deep. No emotions are unmentionable. I’m here, I know the way with a proven path forward (it’s evidence-based for all my scientific folks) and all you need to do is bravely take the first step … reach out because I can’t see you in the dark m’love.
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Our brains can't heal our hearts.
Your 'chapped eyes' and tear-soaked pillows know this is true.
Grief cracks us wide open, and threatens to break us. It forces us to feel. To slow down. To soften. To be open and embrace the unknown. All the things we try to outrun and avoid in our lives.
Grief teaches us about the beauty and power of love, and our magnificent resilience. But we weren’t taught how to honour it for the powerhouse it is. Instead, we were advised to avoid it, to keep busy, be strong, stuff down our emotions, and to shut up and soldier on.
Because ultimately, time heals all wounds….right?!
Wrong.
Nothing makes us feel more exposed and vulnerable than grief and loss — these conflicting and confusing emotions aren’t tidy, or linear, and they’re definitely not comfortable. So, what do we do instead? We find whatever we can to comfort us. We numb out with any variety of things readily available – food, booze, social media, Netflix, shopping, sex, drugs, work, exercise….whatever. The point is, we don’t want to feel the pain and discomfort so we’ll consume whatever we can to avoid feeling it.
We numb.
Our emotions need to move, they’re ‘energy in motion’ – they need to breathe, be felt and not get stuffed down and ignored.
They need to be compassionately held so they can be healed.
Your 'chapped eyes' and tear-soaked pillows know this is true.
Grief cracks us wide open, and threatens to break us. It forces us to feel. To slow down. To soften. To be open and embrace the unknown. All the things we try to outrun and avoid in our lives.
Grief teaches us about the beauty and power of love, and our magnificent resilience. But we weren’t taught how to honour it for the powerhouse it is. Instead, we were advised to avoid it, to keep busy, be strong, stuff down our emotions, and to shut up and soldier on.
Because ultimately, time heals all wounds….right?!
Wrong.
Nothing makes us feel more exposed and vulnerable than grief and loss — these conflicting and confusing emotions aren’t tidy, or linear, and they’re definitely not comfortable. So, what do we do instead? We find whatever we can to comfort us. We numb out with any variety of things readily available – food, booze, social media, Netflix, shopping, sex, drugs, work, exercise….whatever. The point is, we don’t want to feel the pain and discomfort so we’ll consume whatever we can to avoid feeling it.
We numb.
Our emotions need to move, they’re ‘energy in motion’ – they need to breathe, be felt and not get stuffed down and ignored.
They need to be compassionately held so they can be healed.